Labor

I wish I was a normal person. Today I woke up early and laid in bed and watched Sex and the City and cried during each episode. What the hell is wrong with me you say? Well, I don't really know, except that it makes me unbelievably sad to watch their lives be normal and have guys in their lives that are swell and supportive and all that, and then look at my own, where I have guys that are liars or haven't figured out how to use the phone or are confused but want to sleep with me anyway. It also bothers me that I can't let this go, and it's the main thing that I've been harping about for most of my life. You would think that at this point in my life I could point to at least one relationship where I could say yes, that was pretty normal. But no, not a one. They are all either gay, or with kids that I don't know about, or with other women, or jerking me around, or only kinda sorta interested (because I'm kinda hot, but kinda weird too). Or they are in love with someone who already dumped them, or they are pathological liars, or just plain flaky. And I am the same as always. Always alone, always feeling sad because no one is there for me when I need it, and I'm tired of 30 years of having to be there for myself, of laying in bed looking to tv to make me feel better and give me the answers to my life problem. It sounds so stupid and cliche and I hate it about myself, but I need more attention and more hugs. Stupid. And short of a nervous fucking breakdown, I don't feel like anything will get anyone's attention. Am I really so pathetic? My birthday is in less than 20 days, and I'm feeling so unbelievably old and unwanted and the question of the week (or perhaps the month) is Why am I so undateable? Do I have some strange scent that makes men want to sleep with me and nothing else. I attract the strangeness that is everything except relationships. I'm waiting for this to pass, but it looks like this is my labor for the weekend.