Today's Lament

Kid A called me yesterday and asked me if he could stay at my house because of his work schedule, and I said sure. And as he was on his way over at 11:30 at night, it dawned on me that where he was working is not closer to my house than his, nor is my house closer to his morning job. So basically, he just wanted to come over, but he didn't want to say that. And of course, he didn't get very much sleep, but he had to know that was what was going to happen.

As always, I'm confused. Why can't he just say what he wants? Why does he have to make up excuses? I know damn good and well that him coming over here isn't convenient or fast or close to anything, because there is only one road in and out of here and it's always congested. The only thing I'm close to is the beach. I told him a couple of weeks ago (and yesterday afternoon, before all of this transpired) that I was confused and didn't understand anything he did, and I guess I'm just hoping that he'll clear some of it up at some point. And last night I got the distinct feeling he wanted to tell me something, but he didn't and that worries me. Maybe he just got distracted, or maybe distraction was the point. Or maybe he has nothing to tell me and I'm just making it up because of those periods where he just sits there and stares at nothing and takes a deep breath like he's trying to put his words together in his mind first.

Anyway, today's lament is that I don't understand why I can't seem to find men who want to have a normal relationship with me. And I don't know why.