Down or Out

I drove to LA today before class. Don't you have a job, you say? Well, apparently not anymore. I went in today and she said I had been "cancelled". I've been many things: fired, dumped, separated, put on hold, but never cancelled. There's something very inhuman about that, and I'm sure that's why she chose that word. Because then they're not actually doing something TO me, they're doing it to my position. You would think I would be upset, but I'm really not. Yes, I'm a little concerned about what I'm going to do for money, and how I'm going to pay for my film, but it will be nice to have time to do things again. Now I don't have to plan my entire week around Monday, when I don't have to work. Now I have time to go through all the campus rigamarole of paperwork and forms and office hours and so forth. And maybe now I'll be able to plan my second round of movie-making without the insanity to go with it.

I finally got a home phone to complement my cell phone, which I think is a very good thing. Now I don't have to use my minutes, and those people who are not in my network know who they are and know they should call me there so I can still afford to eat. I really don't want another $250 phone bill, especially now that I am only partially employed.

I tripped over a computer monitor on my kitchen floor this morning (too complicated to explain) and now my shin is all torn up. And it hurts. And it's swollen. Yuck. I also believe that I have been chewing on my lip in my sleep, because it hurts like it's splitting, except that it's on the inside of my lip and it isn't split. I hate it when I maim myself in my sleep.

I talked to Kid A the other day. He was sick and I took him some chicken soup since I was in the neighborhood. He's really the only person I hang out with that I don't have to talk to or entertain in order to be content. And we did talk about a lot of stuff, but then settled into that quiet that would normally be uncomfortable, but with him it isn't. And I realized a lot of things (some things I just realized again) that kind of made me feel better but kind of made me feel sad because it's hard when people you care about are unhappy and there's nothing you can do about it. But I hope that sometimes he feels at least a little better because I am around and I'm paying attention.

Boy B, contrary to my previous belief, has not broken all of his fingers in a tragic kitchen mishap; they are all intact and working correctly. Why then, is he so unable to figure out that mysterious contraption known as the telephone? Well, I have no idea. I have not had a conversation with him in almost two weeks, but have left messages for him and spoken with him briefly at work. So I have no idea what his problem is, and why he insists on being so unreliable and annoying when it comes to making a simple phone call. My only answer to this problem is that he really isn't all that interested, and I was mere entertainment to begin with. I just didn't know it. I thought he wanted to date, he thought something else. Or nothing at all. Take your pick. I almost deleted him from my phone today, but didn't for some reason. I guess maybe it's too soon to do something that feels so spiteful. Or maybe not. Take your pick.