No past

Things are still the same, as they have been for ever. This is really no surprise, but that doesn't make it easier. I'm still second banana to pretty much everyone, and "I'd like to see you" means "here's five minutes". People wonder how I don't feel like I'm special or important, even though I am always getting brushed aside like parsley. But all day I've been wishing for something to put me out of my misery, wishing to be impaled on something big and sharp. Feeling sick to my stomach, especially when I think about his charitable five minutes before he runs off to his new lover who he thinks is waaaaaayyyy better than anything I could ever be. Because I, of course, have no future. If only I had no past, too. That's how I lost my future to begin with.