Don't Wanna

I've hit the point of I don't wanna pretty hard this semester. I don't wanna write my thesis proposal, don't wanna go to work, don't wanna do much of anything. Just wanna sit at home and do nothing for a few weeks. Maybe longer. I didn't used to be this way. I used to do the things I love and not worry about it. I used to write papers and learn stuff and enjoy it because it's what I like to do.

But I suppose someone or something has blown my house down, because it all seems pretty pointless right now. If I ever graduate, there is not going to be anyone knocking down my door to give me a great job that made all this education and effort worthwhile. There will be no reward in the end. Suddenly school has fallen into the category of things that are self-enriching, which may as well be the same as a hobby. Why would I work so hard for a hobby? If that's what I'm going to do, I should be doing what I want to do instead of what they want. That's what hobbies are, after all.

The other half of the quandary is that if I don't do this, what will I do? (which is related to the first part of the quandary: what will I do when I'm done with this) So I guess that's the point. There is nothing for me to do. I'm one of those people that has no purpose for being here. Or there. Or anywhere. Sigh.