I Feel

I guess the thing about anger must be that it is not enough to know that someone else knows you are angry at them. Your anger cannot and will not subside until you have adequately chastised them for whatever it is they have done to wrong you. It makes no difference that you might have been cold or rude to them when you first got mad (which one might think would be punishment enough); you've got to let it simmer and bring it to a boil at the precisely perfect moment. It's an extra added bonus if you can do it in a public place so you can add humiliation and embarrassment to your victory in righteousness.

Who knew?

I certainly didn't. But then again, I also thought that my feelings mattered, but they don't. That my own anger or resentment or pain is not important to anyone anymore. And yes, I feel those things. I feel as if there is not any attention being paid to my needs or wants, that things that make me uncomfortable or make me feel bad are simply things that I'm stuck with whether I like it or not, and I sure as hell better not complain about it, lest I need another dose of chastising. Next time will involve a rolled up newspaper.

I feel like he's ashamed of being seen with me, since he never wants me around. Especially if other people are going to be present. A little ignoring will go a long way. It's also because he pretends I was never around when he recounts things to other people. Because he doesn't want anyone to know about "us", and never did, even when there was an "us".

I feel like he's ignoring the fact that he's not perfect, and has done plenty of things that would not necessarily be considered considerate towards me. Some things could be controlling, others just unfair. And some things are just plain hurtful, which he conveniently forgets, or maybe doesn't even really care about.

I don't claim to be perfect. Or anything close to that. But I do claim to try to treat people with respect, which includes respect for their feelings and desires. I try to understand what they are going through. But it seems that a little slack might be afforded if I make incorrect judgements at times, because I also have my own feelings and desires that I'm trying to respect. I want to be happy too. I want everyone to be happy. Sometimes I can't do it. Sometimes I think I'm doing it and I'm really not. Sometimes I have no idea what's going on. So I'm bound to fuck up every now and then. You'll just have to find a way to realize that I'm doing my best. And maybe if you ask me about my feelings every now and then...well...nevermind.