No Function

Lately I've been plaguing myself with the age old question of usefulness. It's tricky. Because sometimes it bleeds into purpose and quality and intention and then it's difficult to tell one thing from another. But the point is, I have no idea what I'm good for. What makes me worthwhile. I don't "have" anything to speak of. There are some people that you know when you meet them that they can take you places and show you things and they will generally enrich your life in a way that translates into them being good for something. But I don't have anything. I can't buy anything for anyone, I can't give them anything; food, money, shelter (although these are things I'm great at taking). I can't take them shopping or sailing or driving or horsebackriding or surfing. I can't lend them rare CD's or DVD's or out of print books or anything else they could not get on their own. I got nothin'.

I don't bring nothin' either. When people tell stories about their friends and how great they are, they're not talking about me. They might point and laugh and follow it up with 'yeah, she's pretty unbearable' or 'she deserved it', but there are no comments that exude admiration, respect, or anything else that would garner a positive opinion. I'm not self-righteously perfect, I'm not cool, I don't have 'it' together, I'm not the happiest person anyone knows, or the smartest, or the funnest, or the nicest. I'm not anything.

I have no skills. I can't make you a wine rack or fix your car or do your taxes or diagnose your symptoms or get you in or get you out or cook you dinner or get you the lowest price on anything. I tell boring stories about people you'll never meet, watch movies you've never heard of, and whine on the internet. I can probably eat more than you. And sleep more than you. Talk more than you. Which are not really qualities most people would list on any sort of place where you list your qualities.

Like on a date. Which is probably why I have none. No dates, no boyfriend, no inquiries. Everyone is figuring it out. I have no net worth. Or gross worth. I'm just gross. If FL Wright was right, and form follows function, then I should have no form at all. Because I clearly have no function.