Purgatory

Stuck in Limbo. There's nowhere that I want to be, no one that wants me, nowhere that I fit in. The Earth is apparently my own private Purgatory. I'm sad because there's nothing for me anywhere. Plus I'm extra sad because the person that was there for me through the thick tough time of summer doesn't even seem to know me anymore. Not a phone call, letter, e-mail, nothing. And it hurts my feelings because he's usually the only one paying attention and now that he isn't, no one is. It's a big hole in my chest that makes it hard to breathe.

So I'm getting a little paranoid that now he's had time to think about things and doesn't want to have anything to do with me because I'm dangerous and get myself into all sorts of trouble and then gain weight that I can't get rid of and I'm just so much of a mess my insides look like the inside of my mom's house because there's useless stuff everywhere and I can't seem to let go of any of it. And as jacked up as I am, I still get lonely and depressed when he doesn't talk to me. Which hasn't been much since my dark days of summer because he's popular and I'm not.

I can't tell him I miss him if he doesn't say it too. It's just a stupid rule. But I have to have something in place to protect myself. Right now that's all I have. Return calls don't count. He's so entertained without me. My existence is peripheral. Like fringe benefits. But fringe is everywhere. So is Purgatory.