Hot or Not

I have this friend that I really like hanging out with. Except that she is up on all the latest stuff and I'm not, so I end up feeling like a big dork. I don't have the cool clothes and the right makeup and the best music and the hottest gossip. I was with her at the mall when she was buying lip gloss at the makeup counter and I looked up from the vast array of eyeliner shades and about six other women were looking me up and down like I should be carried away by security because I look like some sort of crazy bag lady walking around Nordstrom's.

Yes, it's true. I'm the ugly friend. I'm the one that doesn't have to decide which boy to go out with because there are none knocking on my door in the first place. I am the perpetual wingman. The chick that guys have to endure in order to get to go out with the cute girl.

The longer it goes on the uglier I feel. My hair gets stringier, my skin gets ruddier, I get fatter, my clothes get dorkier, and my humor is exiled to another completely different dimension. This is the reason I should move far away from everyone and become a hermit. My phone is not ringing. My inbox is empty. I have no one to look forward to. No one looking forward to me. All because my friends are hot and I'm not.