Pink Panther Raincloud

I guess I feel better. But I really don't. I woke up today with that Pink Panther raincloud above my head and it just seems to be getting bigger. I can't explain where it came from or how I'm going to get rid of it. Nothing has really changed. I was so proud of myself that I have been able to be mostly content for several weeks now. There's been no whining and complaining and things that are generally annoying. I've been happy and jovial and mostly normal, even when everything else was abnormal.

And now I don't feel good. But I don't even have a reason, which is the worst part. The most frustrating part. I have this vague feeling of being unliked and underappreciated and unrespected, but I can't really pin it to any one person or any single happening. It just is. Part of me feels like I should just stay in bed all day and indulge myself, but another part of me feels like I should grin and bear it and go do something and it will go away.

I do have things I need to do, but I'm not motivated to do them. I need to go vote for mayor. We've been mayor-less for something like a week now. I do find it interesting though, that if I didn't know about it, I wouldn't have ever known. The city still functions, even without a mayor. I have to write something for my professor, who I think believes that I am a student with sub-par levels of talent and intelligence. And I don't think there's a way to change that. Maybe he's right. I have to go to the post office to mail yet another submission that will receive yet another rejection. I have to check in with the person I talk to every day, but I don't want him to think I'm upset with him, even though I know that my current state includes him as a factor, even though he's done nothing to deserve that. Which makes me feel worse, of course. I have to make a doctor's appointment to make sure I'm not contracting some sort of strange infection and make sure everything is normal in my world of oddities.

I need to eat something, and I just don't want to. I feel like a fat cow; with the 10 pounds I've acquired in the last two months. The doctor told me to stay out of the sun, which is incredibly depressing. In fact, basically all the things the doctor forbade are suddenly things I want to do really really bad. Even though they're things I don't normally do. I know, I'm a strange mofo. I can't help it. I can't change it. I can't explain it.