Going Away

I don't know what to say (but as always, I'll think of something). I'm nervous about my trip, and stressed about my film, and sad about everything else. I'm lonely because it will be an alone trip with no one to share it with when I get back. Or no one who will be interested in hearing every single banal detail. No one who will be able to laugh with me about something funny that happened at that one cafe.

Everything seems so dismally blase. Like this will be what the rest of my life will be like. Living from this day to the next with nothing new and cheerful to report. And no one to report it to. No one that gives a damn what I'm thinking or what I'm going through. I know I should just get used to it, but I'm having a hard time doing that. It just seems so unfair that this is what I got dealt when I expected so much more. when I deserved so much more. And have been so disappointed.

I'm hoping this feeling will go away, just like every man I've ever dated.