Not the Silver Lining

I have suddenly been overcome by a not-so-friendly feeling. It's not quite sadness, or anger, or frustration, but something in between all of them. It's a mysterious malaise that seems to be falling on me like a blanket of snow. Where did this come from? I was doing so well. I was getting things accomplished. I was on top of it. I was being responsible and productive. And then suddenly it all felt like it was for naught. Perhaps this is just fatigue. Perhaps I'm letting small problems become big ones. That phone call from my "boss" (actually 2 phone calls) that accusingly say, you need to call us, we're worried about you, are really just threats that I'm going to be fired. Fired? She says I was on the schedule. Let us recall, dearheart, that my school schedule plays directly opposite this, and I SPECIFICALLY said I was unavailable. Is this really that hard? It doesn't seem like it should be. All you need is the ability to read and know what day of the week it is. But these things are apparently impossible, and her literate shortcomings are obviously my fault and my problem. How do these kind of imbeciles get into positions of authority (oh wait, I forgot about our 'fearless' leader, Herr W.)? Still, it seems inconceivable that someone could fool their superiors into thinking they have no culpability in these matters. Hmm. This person didn't show up to work today, and she's never done that before, I guess we should fire her. That sounds logical? I mean really, what the fuck?

So now my whole day is ruined. I saw an amazing film, started a fun project, and contributed. And this poor excuse for a human being went and brought it all crashing down to be the day I didn't show up to work. The day she threatened (on my machine) to fire me. Great. How is it that these are the things we hold onto? I want to be able to let go of the bad stuff and hang on to the good stuff, but it is inexplicably hard. I want to grab this negativity and crush it to dust until it is as it never existed, but it seems like I just grab it and hold on. Sometimes I even save it for later, or forever. And the good stuff just gets lost in the shuffle. Damn. Surely I learned this from somewhere. I can't believe that it's just natural. But where? Parents, teachers, friends, newspapers, TV, movies, jobs; it could have come from anywhere. There's no telling. Is everyone like this? Or is there some amazing schmo out there who always remembers how much fun that party was, but doesn't really remember running into his ex? Who remembers that great vacation, but that broken leg just slipped his mind? I know these are exaggerations, but you get the idea. I just don't want to be the only one. The only one that has to be reminded to be positive. But don't worry, my mother is always more than willing to do that for me.