Hay Carumba!

This is a day I wish I could get rid of. Of which I could be rid. It seems like everything came crashing down yesterday, and I haven't been able to salvage anything. And more stuff is crashing. Ok, so work sucks, because people I trusted let me down. In the worst way. I almost lost my job because someone else was trying to cover their ass. And I thought that someone was my friend. And I suppose that just started the avalanche of other stuff that suck that I forgot about, but now I remember. Oh yes, let me see: I can go to school, but have no way to pay for it. I can work, but it will suck. I can love someone, but not be loved. Oh, and let's not forget yet another birthday just around the corner that's screaming at me about all those years I wasted. Now I'm old enough that kids I babysat are graduating from high school. People don't card me anymore. And I'm not in any better shape than I was five years ago. I might even be worse. Here I am, in a city where I can call everyone I know in about five minutes. I get lost every time I have to go somewhere new. Everything I own fits into a 12'X12' bedroom. I have no health insurance, no 401K, no career, no prospects. Oh yeah, and I can't keep a man for longer than nine months, and that only happened once. My next longest foray was 12 weeks. So each man totals less than 1/30th of my life. I've known my car longer than any man I've ever dated. So is this what it's like to get old? To become disillusioned? This isn't what I thought it would be. And I hate it. I know there are good things out there; they are so close I can almost taste them. But for some reason, I just can't get there. I can't get over that hump between potential and accomplishment. I wish I could figure out what I'm doing wrong. Hay carumba. This sucks. Birthdays suck. Age sucks.