The Grind

I hate being busy. It really sucks. I would much prefer to lay on the beach like a whale until someone came along to roll me into the water. I wish my brain could be freed of all this other crap that has to get done before the day is over. It is making me tired. Some people may not need downtime, but I definitely do. I enjoy life more when I can actually stop and realize I'm enjoying it. Yesterday I was awake from 6 AM to midnight. That sucked. Not because I was awake, but because I had too much stuff to do, and that made the day so long. So today I just want to sit around and do nothing, but I can't. I have to do a bunch of stuff that I didn't do in the last couple of days because I was too busy. And tomorrow it all just starts over again. All I ask is one day where I don't have to do anything. Where the day actually belongs to me. Not to school, not to work, not to some assignment, or housework or errands or phone calls. Me. A day where if I want to lay in bed and watch movies all day, I can. A day where I can go to the beach and stay for the sunset without having to look at my watch. A day where I don't have to wear my watch. Or take my cell phone. Or get in my car. Or worry about what's next on the list, or what I'm forgetting. A day where I can sit and have lunch without having to time it right so I won't be hungry during class or work or something else. A day for me. Without appointments and schedules and deadlines. These things are driving me crazy. I am so jealous of the people I know that swim through their day just doing whatever they think up next. I want that too. I feel so disconnected from myself right now. I've had to force everything out of my brain that matters to me just to get through every day and get my chores done. I hate that. I want my days to be steeped in the thoughts that have nothing to do with tasks. I want to be able to taste my food. Feel the heat. See the sun. Argh. I guess this is what the daily grind is that everyone was talking about. No wonder I always avoided it. It sucks. And the worst part it, I don't even know how to get out of it. Help!