Hurricanes

I'm not ready for this birthday. Too many things going on in my head.
Tomorrow I become another year older, but yesterday
marked the sixth month since Beach guy dumped me
and shattered my heart into a
million
little
pieces.

And he probably
didn't even notice. Instead,
he went out with his new friend,
the one that makes him forget about everything,
the one I am irrationally jealous of.
Of whom I am irrationally jealous.

They laughed while I lamented.
Tuesday is supposed to be my day
to laugh,
but I really don't feel like it.
I just want to cry about it.
(Actually I already did)

It's my birthday, and I feel
alone.
No one loves me. No one needs me. No one wants to share with me.
I am the girl with the most cake
because I have no one to give it to.
To whom I can give it.

I want to crawl into a soft dark hole
and just stay there forever.
But I also want to try to crawl out.
Try to beat this feeling
that keeps bearing down on me
like hurricanes through Florida.

It seems like it's neverending.
And I could hear him avoiding my questions.
I ask the simple one,
the one I always ask, "What did you do today?"
And I hear him hesitate.
And I cringe because I know.
He went out with the new friend.

And he hesitates
because he doesn't want to tell me.
He would have omitted it
if I wouldn't have asked.
So he takes a deep breath and
holds it
for just a second,
because he is silently dreading
or debating
telling me.

Is it still a lie if it starts out as just an omission?
I guess so, because he tells me.
And it hurts.
But I asked.
And then, I hear him avoid my question.
Another simple one, but he can't answer.
"What time are you going in?'
"I need to relax."
That wasn't what I asked,
but ok.
I get it.
I'm not needed.
I won't ask again.
I have to go anyway.
The next hurricane is about to hit me.