Holiday Weekend

I just finished making a list of stuff I hope to get done tomorrow. It's not a long list, but some of the things on it will take some time, so it really is quite a list. I plan on holing myself up with a strong fan (it's really hot this weekend) and getting as many of them done as humanly possible. But wait, you say, it's a holiday weekend; why don't you get out and have some fun? Why is it business all the time? Well, the thing is, I don't get holiday weekends. And believe it or not, I'm not sacrificing anything. I don't have anywhere to go, or anyone to hang out with, so I'm not blowing anything off. Actually, it's nice to have something to immerse myself in so that I don't have to remember how little I have in terms of friends or people who actually care about me or what I'm doing. So I have no barbeques to go to, no beers to share, no fireworks to see. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Is that a good thing? Bad? Sometimes it's hard to tell. It seems like whenever I get close to people they end up hurting me, so maybe staying away is the best thing. I can always depend on myself, but clearly I can't depend on anyone else. Lordy, this is the same shit I've been saying for years. Do I keep re-learning the same stuff over and over again? Or is it that my luck is so bad that I haven't had a social life in all this time that is worth being concerned about? That I have friendships worth saving? Hmm. I don't know.

I just needed to rant. On the upside, I've been getting a lot of work done. I guess that's a good thing.