No Exit
I'm so freaking tired. Of everything. I almost quit my job today because my boss referred to something I had been working all day on, something that I had to take over because other people are idiots, as sloppy. I don't appreciate being called sloppy. Especially when I spent all day trying to clean up someone else's mess. Yesterday he dumped a whole other screening series on me that is supposed to start sometime in October. Seriously? I'm working 10 hours more a week than last year, and I have twice as much work and half as many interns (as in none, because I only had one last year). How the hell am I supposed to get things done?
On top of that, you can add that we just moved our office, so I can't find any of my files. They are all in some box somewhere, which slows me down every time I need a report or an envelope or a label or really anything. I have yet to locate any post-its or paperclips. So I have loose papers strewn all over a table, because I didn't even get to keep my desk. And on Monday we were informed that we wouldn't have any storage space at our desks. Seriously? On what planet do you live that you don't need to have any files available at your fingertips? Am I seriously expected to jog up the stairs every single time I need anything? It was also mentioned that at some point we would be wearing matching shirts. I say fuck that. I didn't go to grad school and spend $60K so I could wear a fucking uniform. I don't care if it's the nicest polo shirt ever; I'm not wearing it. Fuck that. I wear regular clothes. I earned it.
I'm still feeling like people take me for granted. Can't help it. I guess this is the trouble with having one major component of your life instead of many; when one is bad, they are all bad. But it's not like the rest of it is good, because it isn't. I'm still alone, trying to figure out why the fuck people think I should drop everything for them, why men think I'm always going to be around at their beck and call, and why it is so difficult to find a man that thinks I'm good enough that he won't lie or blow me off. A man that thinks I'm important enough to call and write and hang out and basically just treat me like a person. It shouldn't be this fucking difficult.
On a side note, today was the first night of my fall class that I'm teaching. Interesting. I have a student who is a bonafide agoraphobic. I don't even know what to say about that, except that I guess there's a first for everything. During the summer semester, I had a student miss the final because she gave birth, and another miss it because he got stabbed in the neck. I missed a final once, but only because I overslept. Excuses have come a long way since my day.
It's hot out here. I haven't slept well in a while. Partially because of the heat, and partially because of the stress. No breeze, no cool night wind, nothing. I can't get any airflow in this place, and it's getting ridiculous. I think someone may have been doing laundry at a ridiculous hour last night, because I kept hearing a crazy knocking sound, but was only half awake to hear it. Not enough to figure out what it was, but too much to actually be asleep. Plus there was a boy in my bed, so that made sleeping that much more difficult. No, I don't feel like talking about it. It's just another depressing story like all the rest.
Anyway, that's about it. I'm still mad. Still stressed. No exit.
On top of that, you can add that we just moved our office, so I can't find any of my files. They are all in some box somewhere, which slows me down every time I need a report or an envelope or a label or really anything. I have yet to locate any post-its or paperclips. So I have loose papers strewn all over a table, because I didn't even get to keep my desk. And on Monday we were informed that we wouldn't have any storage space at our desks. Seriously? On what planet do you live that you don't need to have any files available at your fingertips? Am I seriously expected to jog up the stairs every single time I need anything? It was also mentioned that at some point we would be wearing matching shirts. I say fuck that. I didn't go to grad school and spend $60K so I could wear a fucking uniform. I don't care if it's the nicest polo shirt ever; I'm not wearing it. Fuck that. I wear regular clothes. I earned it.
I'm still feeling like people take me for granted. Can't help it. I guess this is the trouble with having one major component of your life instead of many; when one is bad, they are all bad. But it's not like the rest of it is good, because it isn't. I'm still alone, trying to figure out why the fuck people think I should drop everything for them, why men think I'm always going to be around at their beck and call, and why it is so difficult to find a man that thinks I'm good enough that he won't lie or blow me off. A man that thinks I'm important enough to call and write and hang out and basically just treat me like a person. It shouldn't be this fucking difficult.
On a side note, today was the first night of my fall class that I'm teaching. Interesting. I have a student who is a bonafide agoraphobic. I don't even know what to say about that, except that I guess there's a first for everything. During the summer semester, I had a student miss the final because she gave birth, and another miss it because he got stabbed in the neck. I missed a final once, but only because I overslept. Excuses have come a long way since my day.
It's hot out here. I haven't slept well in a while. Partially because of the heat, and partially because of the stress. No breeze, no cool night wind, nothing. I can't get any airflow in this place, and it's getting ridiculous. I think someone may have been doing laundry at a ridiculous hour last night, because I kept hearing a crazy knocking sound, but was only half awake to hear it. Not enough to figure out what it was, but too much to actually be asleep. Plus there was a boy in my bed, so that made sleeping that much more difficult. No, I don't feel like talking about it. It's just another depressing story like all the rest.
Anyway, that's about it. I'm still mad. Still stressed. No exit.
posted by Ocean | 11:16 PM
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