Win/Loss
I'm watching a movie with Heath Ledger in it. It always makes me just a little bit sad. But today I actually got to stay home and do nothing all day, which I actually did. It felt good to sleep in after a long week of running around.
As you may have heard, my trip to Spain is on. I'm really looking forward to it. My boss has also mentioned me working full time twice in the last week. So it seems that it may actually happen, as unexpected as that is. But I'm okay with it; it means I might actually be able to make a living for a while. I'm also supposed to go to LA next week for a film festival, so that should be interesting.
I may be going to Mexico on Tuesday to have my tarot cards read. I know it sounds stupid, but it's fun and I want to. I've recently been suffering from periodic malaise due to the lack of a boyfriend. The other boy has been involved in my life lately, but his birthday is coming up, and I remember his last birthday a little too vividly to not be wary of anything he says or does. It seems that lately he's been wanting to hang out a lot, but then acting a bit cagey about other stuff and I don't know why. Or maybe I do, but I don't want to know. I can only go one day at a time with him, and lately it's been good. We have plans to take dancing lessons together. Yes, dancing lessons. And it was surprisingly easy to talk him into it. And since then, he's asked me about it no less than 3 times, so it seems to be something he's looking forward to. Odd. But I'll take it. I've always wanted to learn to salsa. Or tango. Or whatever. He also promised to take me sailing. I've always wanted to go sailing.
Then there's the other guy that only visits from time to time, but seems to like hanging out with me. He came up a week or so ago and we hung out for the day. And the next day he sent a text "I find that after I spend time with you my bs job not so lame I thank you for that". Probably one of the nicest texts I've ever gotten. But then I remember that he doesn't visit regularly, and has never really expressed any desire to be exclusive. So I have to take everything he says with a grain of salt. I've known him for over 4 years, so it's not like he's in any hurry. And I wonder if we would actually work together anyway, since he's conservative and doesn't seem to want kids, and I am the opposite. But he knows that, so who knows. I guess some things might be negotiable.
On another note, I've been feeling really fat lately. It's driving me crazy. I haven't been eating the way I'd like, mostly because I've just been so busy and haven't had any time to cook anything worth eating. I hate feeling fat. Especially when I'm single and vulnerable. If there was just one boy who insisted that I look great all the time, it wouldn't matter. But I'm my only cheerleader, and it gets tiring.
So I guess things are good at the moment, but I feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the job to do whatever it's going to do, and trying to sort out boys in my life. On the one side, I feel like I'm ahead; on the other, so far behind high school girls are ahead of me. But I don't know what else to do other than what I'm already doing.
As you may have heard, my trip to Spain is on. I'm really looking forward to it. My boss has also mentioned me working full time twice in the last week. So it seems that it may actually happen, as unexpected as that is. But I'm okay with it; it means I might actually be able to make a living for a while. I'm also supposed to go to LA next week for a film festival, so that should be interesting.
I may be going to Mexico on Tuesday to have my tarot cards read. I know it sounds stupid, but it's fun and I want to. I've recently been suffering from periodic malaise due to the lack of a boyfriend. The other boy has been involved in my life lately, but his birthday is coming up, and I remember his last birthday a little too vividly to not be wary of anything he says or does. It seems that lately he's been wanting to hang out a lot, but then acting a bit cagey about other stuff and I don't know why. Or maybe I do, but I don't want to know. I can only go one day at a time with him, and lately it's been good. We have plans to take dancing lessons together. Yes, dancing lessons. And it was surprisingly easy to talk him into it. And since then, he's asked me about it no less than 3 times, so it seems to be something he's looking forward to. Odd. But I'll take it. I've always wanted to learn to salsa. Or tango. Or whatever. He also promised to take me sailing. I've always wanted to go sailing.
Then there's the other guy that only visits from time to time, but seems to like hanging out with me. He came up a week or so ago and we hung out for the day. And the next day he sent a text "I find that after I spend time with you my bs job not so lame I thank you for that". Probably one of the nicest texts I've ever gotten. But then I remember that he doesn't visit regularly, and has never really expressed any desire to be exclusive. So I have to take everything he says with a grain of salt. I've known him for over 4 years, so it's not like he's in any hurry. And I wonder if we would actually work together anyway, since he's conservative and doesn't seem to want kids, and I am the opposite. But he knows that, so who knows. I guess some things might be negotiable.
On another note, I've been feeling really fat lately. It's driving me crazy. I haven't been eating the way I'd like, mostly because I've just been so busy and haven't had any time to cook anything worth eating. I hate feeling fat. Especially when I'm single and vulnerable. If there was just one boy who insisted that I look great all the time, it wouldn't matter. But I'm my only cheerleader, and it gets tiring.
So I guess things are good at the moment, but I feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the job to do whatever it's going to do, and trying to sort out boys in my life. On the one side, I feel like I'm ahead; on the other, so far behind high school girls are ahead of me. But I don't know what else to do other than what I'm already doing.
posted by Ocean | 12:16 AM
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