Tiring Thursday

Tiring Thursday. I am so exhausted right now, I'm actually having a serious debate with myself of whether I should eat something, or just go to bed. It's not even 8 o'clock yet. But I had to work today, for the first time in over 2 weeks. I also went to yoga, which I haven't done for about 3 weeks. I am weak and out of shape, which is incredibly depressing. I used to be so supple and svelte, and those days are gone. Now I'm like a big piece of sheet metal, except not as strong. Way weaker. Think twigs for arms, and that's me.

I also found myself irritated and him again. And it's stupid little stuff. But also important to me at the same time. He is like night and day sometimes, and it drives me crazy. Less than twenty-four hours ago, he was holding my arm, pulling me closer, and generally enjoying being around me. Today, (note the cute blonde with big blue eyes being present) he won't even look at me, much less touch me. It's like he doesn't want anyone to think he knows me. Like he is ashamed of me. Like my mere presence is cramping his style. Add to that the fact that he does this all the time (namely at school), and listen to my little broken heart let out a sad little wail. It's there, not that he'd ever hear. He's too busy ignoring me.

I have known him long enough to know when he is open to me and when he is not. And he has made it clear to me that he does not want me near him during yoga class. It's quite possible he doesn't want me in his yoga class at all. Because of course, I'm cramping his style. Or his lifestyle. I know this sounds stupid and trivial, but it really does hurt my feelings (yes, I still have some) when I think he's going to be like he was yesterday and he treats me like a bug. A few hours pass, and I've metamorphasized into a pest. It's like being caught in a Kafka novel. Frustrating, frightening, bewildering, saddening.