Initiation

I have recently realized that I am automatically distrustful of strangers. I don't like new people. Which is probably why so many people think I'm a bitch upon first meeting me. I can also be shy around people I don't know, which doesn't really help much. I have this strange need to keep things about myself secret. I don't like people to know where I live, see my bedroom, or even know what kind of car I drive. I don't like talking about appointments I have or what kind of shampoo I use, or how big my family is.

I'm not really sure what makes me think I have to keep these things away from people. I realize that I have serious trust issues, and I'm not really bothered by it; I think it makes me more careful about the kind of people I let into my life. And earning my trust can be difficult sometimes. But the thing that really bothers me is that my distrust/shyness makes people not like me because they think I am a snob or that I am unapproachable and all the other stuff. Which of course I'm not.

I'm just not the type to initiate things.

Most of my ex's are quite familiar with this facet of my personality. Which also might explain why I have been so single and so dumped for most of my life. People think I'm the serial killer type because I don't say much at first. I just look at them sideways and make strange faces. And I stall at answering questions. I don't offer information about my personal life unless they ask.

So I guess that's the key; I have to be asked. I have no problem answering people's questions (usually--namely the lame "so...do you have a boyfriend?" question) because I feel I have nothing to be ashamed of (at least nothing they would think to ask about). But I really make people work. Which of course, no one wants to do.

So there's no initiation.