Big Fears

I think my stomach is trying to tell me something. It is not happy. It is anxious and nervous and generally not feeling all that great. My nerves are pretty much in agreement. I have been contriving to get out of working tomorrow, partially because I know that they have overstaffed (again) and don't need me, partially because I hate that place. But mostly because I was invited to dinner and I am so rarely invited that I got all excited and started scheming about how I was going to change the work schedule and not get in too much trouble since I'm trying to keep my nose clean right now.

But I'm starting to be my own worst enemy again because I'm thinking that I've been disinvited because I took too long to figure out if I was going to be able to make it and he's invited someone else (probably someone that makes me want to scream) instead. He doesn't want to be left alone. That's fine. I want to go. I don't want to be replaced. That would be really really really painful. Like it didn't really matter who I am in the first place.

I'm not saying that's how it is, just how I imagine it to be. How I don't want it to be. My big fears.