Baseball vs. Libido

So yesterday he came over with lunch and we ate outside. We talked about random stuff, and let the conversation lull into silence periodically. It was nice, because I felt like he was actually paying attention for once. But at the same time, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and hear him tell me something I didn't want to hear. He didn't. I wondered if he chickened out. I didn't bring anything up. I didn't want to spoil a decent afternoon.

He made a comment that was sexual in nature referring to me. I didn't know what to say, so I ignored it. Of course, I'd like to respond and let the afternoon progress into something physical, but my heart won't let me (at least it remembers). I wanted him so bad. It made me realize how easy it would be to fall back into everything with him. It would be frighteningly easy. But also difficult. It made me sharply remember how attracted I am to him. In my head I was going over all the parts of him that I know. It was difficult to think of something like baseball.

So, I leave the house and go to school, and I'm so worked up by a man that didn't even touch me that I could jump on any man who showed interest at this point. So I have to be careful. Because that's not me. It's my libido.