I Wish

He called me today. I really wasn't expecting it, partially because he rarely calls anymore, plus he never calls when I'm out of town, and we got into an argument last night. Or at least I thought we did. Maybe he doesn't, since he called. Or maybe he does, since he went out of his way to say hello today. I don't know. But what I do know, is that he doesn't seem to make time to call me very often anymore, so this seemed different.

I guess it makes me feel less angry about the call from last night. I felt like he was making some sort of effort. I almost wish he wouldn't, just so I could be angry for a while. Because when he's being nice to me I want him back so much I can hardly stand it and I think that the tone in his voice actually means something and I try to read between the lines when there are clearly no lines to be read.

I wish that things could be more clear and simple. I wish my emotions would do what I want them to do. I wish I didn't have so much baggage to carry around everywhere. I wish I had a terrible memory. I wish my coping skills were more finely tuned. I wish I wish I wish.