Argumentative Sucker

We had an argument. A real one this time. And I was tired and cranky and half awake, so i don't even recall much of it, except that he said I had been argumentative in a previous conversation, which apparently makes it ok to gang up on me. First of all, I don't feel like I was argumentative; I was defending a friend that I felt was being unfairly judged. So apparently loyalty is useless, because he obviously wasn't showing me any.

God, what is the fucking point of having friends anyway? It seems like it will only be a matter of time before they sell you out for nothing. It seems like that has definitely happened in this case. Plus, I am always wrong and he is always right. And if I step out of line he smacks me down every time. Maybe that was the kind of girlfriend he wanted, and when I wasn't that, he demoted me to friend, and when I still can't do it, he demotes me even further. Let me make it clear that in this case, I am not sorry, either. He got involved in a conversation that had nothing to do with him, and I didn't change my position. Maybe he forgot that I actually do have a mind of my own, and I can (and do) think for myself.

The thing that I'm not sure of at this point is what is going to happen now. I will be going back to town tomorrow, back at school, and things are supposed to be business as usual. And perhaps they will be. Perhaps not. Because I'm not going to go back and apologize or pander to his whims. Plus I'm still kind of mad. I'm not in the mood to talk about it with him either. I want to keep things short and to the point (i.e. and actual work relationship), but I'm afraid that he'll flash that smile and give me a big he-hug, and everything will be all right, and I'll walk away feeling like a sucker again.

An argumentative sucker.