11th Month

Today is a sad day. It's raining, which is dreary. I was hoping for some sun for a couple of days. No luck. Today is also sad because it's the mark of the 11th month. It's been almost a year since I got kicked to the curb. And I'm still just as fucked up as I was on that day. There has been no progress made. I almost started crying about it at work yesterday, and I did cry about it last night before I went to bed. This is no good.

Add to that the fact that I feel that he has been lamely neglecting me for over a week, and will probably continue to do so for a few more, and I feel really really yucky. I've come to see and experience that I am only necessary when he doesn't have something better to do. I'm last choice. Bottom shelf. Lowest rung. I don't like that. Part of me wants to not speak to him anymore because this isn't the way I should be treated. The other part of me is saying shut up, you're being stupid and melodramatic, and you like talking to him.

I'm stuck in between. I don't know what to do. But I have to come up with something that will help before I get to exactly a year and am officially the most pathetic person on the face of the earth.