The Market
It seems like lately I've given a lot of thought to what it means to be in love. Does anyone really know? I'm thinking no, because no one can ever really explain it to anyone else. It seems like it should be so simple, but it's actually really complicated. Is it really something that is unexplainable with logic? Or is it actually more logical than anyone gives it credit for? If you enjoy someone's company and you are attracted to them physically, doesn't that constitute the basis for a healthy and productive love? Are you supposed to be opposites? Does love mean you find someone who can provide the things you can't provide for yourself, or is it finding the person that is like you? Is it chemical? Can it be practical? Is it really out of our control, or do we ultimately have a choice in the matter?
I look around me every day and see people in love. And I wonder how they got that way. And I wonder if they really are, or if they are struggling. Or if it's just someone who's company and body they enjoy, so they don't worry about it any further than that. And I wonder why it's so impossible for me. Because these people aren't extraordinary superhumans. They are just regular people. They have weight problems and poor grammar and body odors and weird laughs and stupid jokes and health issues as much or moreso than I do. But they get it. Love just lands in their laps and they tra la la down the sidewalk without knowing what they have. Or worse, someone just hands it over and they walk away because it's just not good enough for them. When I found it, I lost it almost before I knew I had it. And I scratched and clawed to try to keep it and it didn't work. It didn't want to stay with me. What do those people have that I don't? What makes them so deserving?
And I see these people, throwing around the words like they are nothing and I want to choke them. I said them once in a moment of hysteria and I actually meant it. And it actually meant nothing. But it pains me more because I actually did mean it and now I can never take it back, but it will also never make any difference. Is this how all those people who invested in Enron felt? Like it was all a sham, that their hard earned salaries went for nothing? Like this self-proclaimed, rock-solid "firm" (ironic, that's what they call them) told them everything was supergreat and then let the bottom drop out? Because that's what I think when I look around me.
I played the market and lost everything.
I look around me every day and see people in love. And I wonder how they got that way. And I wonder if they really are, or if they are struggling. Or if it's just someone who's company and body they enjoy, so they don't worry about it any further than that. And I wonder why it's so impossible for me. Because these people aren't extraordinary superhumans. They are just regular people. They have weight problems and poor grammar and body odors and weird laughs and stupid jokes and health issues as much or moreso than I do. But they get it. Love just lands in their laps and they tra la la down the sidewalk without knowing what they have. Or worse, someone just hands it over and they walk away because it's just not good enough for them. When I found it, I lost it almost before I knew I had it. And I scratched and clawed to try to keep it and it didn't work. It didn't want to stay with me. What do those people have that I don't? What makes them so deserving?
And I see these people, throwing around the words like they are nothing and I want to choke them. I said them once in a moment of hysteria and I actually meant it. And it actually meant nothing. But it pains me more because I actually did mean it and now I can never take it back, but it will also never make any difference. Is this how all those people who invested in Enron felt? Like it was all a sham, that their hard earned salaries went for nothing? Like this self-proclaimed, rock-solid "firm" (ironic, that's what they call them) told them everything was supergreat and then let the bottom drop out? Because that's what I think when I look around me.
I played the market and lost everything.
posted by Ocean | 11:24 PM
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