Burning Bridge

As we all know, I'm going crazy. And I really don't understand myself. I don't get why I have impulses, but then my thoughts are the complete opposite. Lately I've thought, I hate this person, or this person is a bad friend, or this person is annoying. But then I think of all the reasons why I should feel this way, and I come up with nothing. I don't really hate that person, that other person really is a good friend, and that other person isn't all that annoying. But my gut reactions are telling me something different and it's confusing. Plus I'm afraid I'll slip.

One thing I almost never do is burn bridges. It's just not my style. I don't know why. But when I'm having these gut reactions, I worry that one day I'll blurt something out (as I've been known to do) that will be so damaging and hateful that whoever I said it to or about will stop speaking to me forever. It's really tempting somtimes. Because frustration will do that to you. Make you say things you think you mean, but you really only mean it at that second. As soon as the sounds leave your lips you wish you could inhale them right back into your body before they get to their target.

I'm wondering how long before I say something that will last forever without forgiveness. Something that will wedge itself like a popcorn kernel between teeth. I'm always hoping it will go away. So far it hasn't. I've already burned enough. I don't want to torch a bridge too.