Because of the Sun

I think I'm going to become a nihilist. Because I'm tired of caring about things. Caring about things only makes life harder than it needs to be. So instead I'll care about nothing. And no one will understand, but then again, that wouldn't be much different from now.

I don't want to care about work. I don't want to care about school. I don't want to care about family, friends, ex-boyfriends, old homes, elections, money, disease, or even myself. Let the chips fall where they may. I will let life take me from one thing to the next, and not hold on to people and places that don't want me anymore. I will not become connected and I will not care. I will do things because of the sun and people will call me the antichrist because they don't get it. I won't have to hurt and I won't have to feel inferior or less-than because it doesn't even matter what I feel because there is nothing I can do to make things better. There is nothing I can do to make the world care about me. So why should I care about it? And whatever happens, so be it. It's not about optimism or pessimism, but about letting things happen instead of dreading or expecting or hoping that things will happen. Because they will happen regardless of what I want. So the mantra is: I don't care. It doesn't matter. It was because of the sun.