Weight

This was weight. This was 50 tons of something that no one could even touch or see. It had been fastened to her chest for some time now, and it was pulling her down more and more every day. She couldn't do anything about it. It lay there, quietly, heavily. It made it hard to breathe; it made her heart beat faster. It made her work. Now she was shedding it, like a skin tight wet suit. It had to be turned inside out on its way off. It had become like a second skin. She felt weak, knowing that she was now naked before him, yet again. She looked down at her shaking hands and hoped he hadn't noticed. The quake in her voice was bad enough. She was leaning on the wall for support, and it only gave her enough to keep her upright. This was the purging of something ugly, something so big and terrible that it could not be classified. It was jealousy. It was betrayal. It was mistrust. He admonished her for keeping it with her for so long. She felt she had no choice. What if it were true? The belief that it was a lie was easier to eat. Easier to carry, however painful. She had hoped for falsehood. This moment had come about over the sheer weight of rumor. She had finally cracked. She could no longer hide her torture. It had to surface now. It came out haltingly, like a schoolgirl's stutter. Not the kind of image you want to show the professor. Every word cut her throat and added an extra tremor to her hands. Shit. Stop this. Too late now. She was unburdened. For now. The guilt would come later. She always wanted honesty. She couldn't even deliver it herself. She felt like such a hypocrite. And here he was. His usual self. Attentive, understanding, sympathetic. As if he were reading her thoughts. How did he do it? It was fucking uncanny. That was how she fell in love with him in the first place, though. He said, no apologies. She couldn't help it. She had been wrong. Way wrong. Delusional. Irrational. (Or had she?) Argh! This wasn't how she wanted to be. Who she wanted to be. She saw this woman shaking and quaking and hated her. What happened to the rational girl of yesteryear? She's terrified. She fell in love and now she's living in a hole hoping she'll make it to tomorrow. But here he was, saving her again. How many more times would he be able to save her? She felt her nine lives were almost spent. It wouldn't be long before the truth she feared was the truth. She knew it. He would eventually live without her easily. And she would be left with this weight. It would lay there quietly, heavily.