Under Appreciated

Do you ever feel really under appreciated? I have really been feeling that way lately. Now that the film festival is over, everyone acts like the stuff I do doesn't matter, isn't important, and doesn't bring anything to the organization. Or thinks I should be doing more. Or they simply ignore me. The other day my boss asked me if I documented a workshop (that he didn't pay me to attend) with any pictures. Not only did he not pay me to be there, he never asked me to get any pictures. But then he was all disappointed because "it would have made a great blog post". WTF? Am I now in charge of maintaining a blog for the organization as well? To be honest, I'm pretty tired of all this social media bullshit, mostly because the fuckhead who shares my office is always giving 'pointers', as if I don't know how to write a blog or update facebook. What a fucking tool. I've been doing this longer than you, my cracked out no tax paying gypsy fuck. And go get a haircut. You look like a pedophile. Seriously, every time he answers the phone, he uses this deep 'soothing' voice and it makes my skin crawl. And the fact that he's running our youth program creeps me out even more. I don't think he's a pedophile (just a crackhead), but he sure sounds like one. I find him incredibly creepy in that way. But I digress...

So then, I also spent time shooting and editing videos for the organization quite a bit last year. I mentioned to the girl who runs that program that I still have 3 videos for which I haven't been paid. So I asked her about the invoice she needs, and she sent me an email back saying that I needed re-edit the videos AGAIN. So I shot 3 videos (figure 2 hours each=6 hours), then edited them once (2 hrs ea=6 hrs), uploaded them (1 hr), re-edited them (another 6 hrs), re-uploaded them (another hour). Now she wants me to re-shoot some things (another 6 hours) and re-edit and upload them (another 7 hours). How many hours is that all together? 32 hours? For $525? And that's not counting travel time to go to re-shoot, not counting the time on the phone spent trying to coordinate shoots, downloading footage, or the possibility of technical difficulties. That's $16 an hour for my master's degree that she should just fork over the cash for. I couldn't fucking believe it. I'm really pissed and I feel like she took advantage of me. Or at least wasted a whole bunch of my time. And I'm not really willing to waste any more of it on these stupid videos I don't even care about. So I deleted my videos from the website. They are mine, after all. She hasn't bought them. Not to mention that I uploaded them and submitted them the second time back in December, and if I hadn't made the point of asking her about them, she never would have thought of it to begin with. And this is the girl that works 40 hours a week and then acts like she has no time to get her work done. Are you fucking kidding me? I put on an entire film festival for 20-30 hours a week without a single freak-out. Did anyone give me a pat on the back and tell me how awesome I was? Well, yes, but she wasn't one of them.

Part of me wonders if everyone is just jealous because I have the coolest job there. I get to watch movies, hang out with filmmakers and actors, and go to film festivals in foreign countries. I get interviewed on television and people seek me out for advice. My job is fucking cool. And I fucking rock it out like no one else. None of them have the least idea how to do my job, and they have no appreciation for what I actually do. I actually know stuff. I spent an obscene amount of money getting educated about the industry, and no one seems to understand that it's not as easy as I make it look. I work well under stress, I can talk the talk and walk the walk, and I do it (usually) with grace and aplomb. And I'm the only one in the organization who is taking the initiative to learn a second language so I can better do my job. Oh and don't forget that I'm getting an MFA (going to school full time) during all this. It's easy, right? And, I gladly offer to help them when or if they need it. So what do I get?

I get dirty looks when I say I could use an intern. I get blank stares when I talk about upcoming screenings. I get sneers when I talk about attending film festivals. Fucking awesome. It's great to have no one give a fuck about what you do and how hard you work to get it all done. A-holes.