Being Watched

Ever get the feeling you are being watched? I usually don't, but I have it now. That feeling that someone is checking up on me to make sure I don't fall out of line, to see if there's anything about my life that I should be yelled at for doing or talking about. I hate that feeling. Because this is my own damn life, so suck it. Butt out. I'm not going around checking up on anyone, because I don't give a rat's ass about other people's bullshit and I just want to be left alone. I don't want to be spied on. I just want to be left alone.

And right now I have cramps. They hurt.

I have a full day today of catching up since I've been kind of a slacker the past couple of days. I hate it when I wait until the last minute to do things. But this week I did. So today will be a full day, and right now I am only making it worse by doing this, but I'm just not ready to start my day for real and I really want to just take a hot shower and go back to bed.

I think I'm having fun in my life mostly. I'm trying to get my own stuff done and do new things and visit new places and just have stuff that is my own and no one else's. It's a slow process. Other than that, I'm trying to respect other people's wishes, stay away from things and people that are bad for me, and just have my life to myself. And I guess I do, which is good. Sometimes I slip up, but I think I'm making progress a little bit at a time. And the only person I feel like I really need to check in with is the pro at the club, because she can tell it like it is, and she is starting to understand what is going on in my life. Or what seems to be going on. Because I often have no clue.

Today is the final fitting for my necklace. I'm excited to see how it has turned out. I'm also overhwelmed by my life right now, and getting through the next couple of weeks is going to be interesting. But I keep thinking, once I'm on the other side, everything that has been stressing me out will not exist any more.

Except for being watched. Maybe.