My Chance

Tomorrow I fly away to another land. Leave this one behind. Or at least try to. Try not to think about my poor computer under my bed that isn't working. Try not to think about my schoolmates watching each other's films and then talking smack about them when they get home. Try not to think about him sitting on the beach watching the young girls flit about.

I want to become absorbed. I want to be changed. I want to be something different than what I am now, but I'm not sure how I want to be different. I just want it to happen. I think about the hours I will be at twenty thousand feet and I wonder how I will be spending my time. If I will be able to curl up with one of my many books, if I'll doze of to the white noise of jet engines, if I'll be marvelling at how dark the ocean is at night, or if I'll be chatting away in some banal conversation with some mildly tolerable stranger. I wonder if I'll be missing this moment that I sit here typing this. Or the moment two hours ago when he bought me a rice krispy bar because I didn't want pizza.

Really, I'm just hoping for a nice cocktail and good in-flight entertainment. I think the Nin book will be the best entertainment I'll be able to find. Which is just fine.

This is my escape. The question is, will I make a serious run for it, or will I be like that animal that gets outside the fence and just looks back at you in confusion? I want to do more than hop the fence. I want to get so far away that the cops with their dogs and their helicopters and their roadblocks and wanted posters will never find me. I want to be unrecognizeable. To me and to everyone else. I want to grow a new life. This is my chance. Hope that I will make the most of it.