Emotion-ectomy

What a weird day. Part of me wants to say that it was a day of bouncing from emotion to emotion, because it was. But the other part feels like it wasn't, because it didn't seem as traumatic as it usually does. (although my foot hurts as much as it usually does, which sucks)

I went to hippie chiro, and I always feel a little strange when I go there. A little scared, kind of conceited, skeptical, comfortable, and completely hopeful that he'll fix everything that's wrong with my life and my body. And I wonder if this can work for me because I'm such a fucked up and secretive person. Because all his patients are in one big room at the same time. What ever happened to doctor-patient confidentiality? But I know I'm just being stupid because it's not like I have anything really serious to hide. And if I did, I could always make something up.

But it's also annoying because the other people who go there are "believers", with their heavy breathing and meditation bowls and whatnot. It makes me wonder if I'm really joining some sort of cult instead of a chiropractic practice. But I'm not paying, so I'm willing to give it a shot. Plus I get free massages.

And the hopeful part of me is thinking it's going to work. But I'm not sure if that tingly feeling in the right side of my face afterwards (for about 2 hours) is a good sign or a bad sign. But at work I noticed I was walking different, hopefully for the better. But my foot still hurts like hell.

And strangely enough, I seem to be moving between emotions more quickly and smoothly than before. The things I'm remembering are just as painful as before, but they seem to have some sort of distance from me for some reason. I can't explain it. Because when I realized today that I wanted to talk to him and couldn't, it made me really sad. But it seemed like more of a true emotional sadness than a complete physical sadness. My body didn't slow down or slump or any of those things it usually does when I'm unhappy. It just seemed to let my mind do its thing and go on with its business. I'm not really sure if that's a one time deal or a from now on kind of thing. And I'm not sure if it's a good thing anyway. Should my body be able to disconnect from my emotions? Should I separate them on a permanent basis? It often seems like putting them together is what got me in this mess to start with.

I'm sure this is a procedure that is going to take some time. But hopefully I'll be able to get it all out and live a relatively normal life eventually. Maybe people won't even notice after a while.