Oz

So it's finally over. The last day of the semester. The one I started with a sippy cup of wine because my nerves were getting the better of me. I should have bookended it with another, but I didn't think of Wine My Saviour until a couple of hours ago. So now I'm one step closer to being shoved into the real world, although I do plan on stretching graduate school out as long as possible. But I'm still marching towards an inevitable fate.

I've decided the people at work hate me. They only scheduled me to work one day this week, and it just happens to be the same day as their Christmas party. It's a little annoying, but in reality I'm not that upset about it. I wasn't planning on going anyway. It just would have been nice if they had wanted me to be there. By the way, I think I must have the plague this season.

Yesterday I hit another milestone of sorts. And again today. So it's really not a milestone, but more of a return to old stuff. I found myself at the same place I am every afternoon, but on the outside. Like I did in the good ol' days. Because I hate the corporate coffee joint. And some time last year I started going there, but sat just outside with my books. And he came over and joined me and it was the start. Or the end.

He eventually coaxed me inside, and I never sat outside again until yesterday. I sat there knowing he was inside, but not even daring to look because I also knew he would be too busy for me. And I knew he wanted a change of scenery. It was as close as I dared to come. And it was scary and painful and so much lonelier than it was last year. I wanted him to come and join me like he used to; to stand in front of me until I noticed his white leather tennis shoes next to me. But that's all done.

I remember the first couple of conversations we had there just outside the coffee joint, and I remember feeling like the world was opening up, turning to color from black and white like Dorothy in the land of Oz. I remember all the things we talked about, and how fascinated he was with everything I said. How much we laughed and joked at ourselves and each other. Now it is exactly opposite. The world is closing in again, turning back to black and white, but I must say, I don't want to go back to that place I came from. I want Oz. I don't want the long silences while he scans the people walking behind me. I don't want the glances at the clock. I want the staring and the laughing and the fun of when I was interesting. When there were new things to share and new stories to tell and nothing had been said yet and I couldn't possibly be boring even if I tried. I want the Emerald City and the Horse of a Different Color and the man behind the curtain and the Ruby Slippers and the Yellow Brick Road. There's no place like Oz.