Mantra

I hid in my room all morning, in The Middle with the blinds closed. I didn't know where I was when I first woke up, but then it all came rushing back to me and I wish I had some more wine to help me forget again. And the cleaning people came in and didn't know I was there, which is just fine. I got the opportunity to observe (aurally) people working in my house when they didn't know I was there. And I wish I could understand Spanish but I do know they talked a lot about bathrooms and windows since just about every sentence had ventana or bano in it. And they seemed to be there forever. But I didn't really care because listening to them banter with each other pulled me out of myself a little bit. But I kept falling back asleep and dreaming about weird things and my neck was hurting from all the crying I've done lately. But sleep is nice. It's really the only time I get to forget what I've done to myself. And I stop worrying about what's going to happen next. Because that's about all I think about when I'm awake and it really sucks. I was in the car on the way to class today and felt like I was on the verge of losing it yet again. I just want to sit on the beach and sort everything out. Today's mantra: keep it together keep it together keep it together