Hello, Life

Strange weekend. It seems weird when it's so long like this. And there's lots of stuff I should do, and I'm not doing it. I was going to clean. Didn't. But it doesn't seem like it really matters anyway since most people think I'm a total slob anyway. And then they spread the word to others and I'm doomed. So what's the point of cleaning up when people point and laugh when you do? And they're not visiting anyway.

It seems strange, but I wish I could stay in today. Today, there is no work and no school, and for the most part, no bad stuff. Sure, it sucks that I don't have anyone and I'm pretty much alone, but nothing can get me here either. I have no responsibilities right now except to take a shower. And I think I can do that. But even if I don't, who cares? It would just be one more thing that people can point and laugh about. I'm getting pretty used to it.

Tomorrow begins the return to the life that I drag around most of the time. But in a couple of weeks, maybe I can ditch it for a while again. I misplaced happiness a long time ago, and I'm thinking I'm not going to find it again. It's gone for good. So the only thing I can do is try to hide and often as possible from the regular disappointment that is my life.
So this ends up being a vacation on more than one front.

He returns tomorrow. I don't know when. He'll call, of course. But then I'll feel strange because I want to see him and he just wants to be alone. And he'll just wait to see me when he sees me. Life doesn't gradually come back, it returns in a heartbeat with the force of a train. Hello, life, wish I could say I missed you.