Pauses

Sometimes good things happen and when they are over I get really sad because I don't want them to be over. And today I'm sad and I don't want to be because I had a good time hanging out and it was fun and everything. I just didn't want it to be over. I wanted it to last and I wanted to make up excuses for it to last and I know this isn't making any sense but nothing makes sense anymore. But I don't like when good things end and there's no telling when they will come around again and I want good things every day and every night and I just can't have them and so I get sad and a little bit lonely and wish there was something I could do to take my mind off of it, but there isn't because I'm just sitting at home waiting to go to work and reminiscing about how much fun I had. And I wish there was someone I could call to talk to about it, but there really isn't anyone available right now. I'll just have to wait. Like everything else.

Completely separate from that, yesterday was my last day of obligations for the semester. It feels great for that to be over. I've been counting the days for quite some time now, and it's finally done and I can hopefully get on with life and forget about the worst six months of my life. And hopefully the next six will be good, and maybe even get better and better as they go along.

Once this week is over, I'll be at home with the fam for a while, which will be a welcome change in my life, because I won't be in the rut of being here and then when I get back I'm thinking that my life will be different, which I know is naive, but I'm going to believe it anyway. My vacation is like the breaking off point where things end (even though they are already over), or maybe just the stopping point where I get to start over fresh, as if I just got here when I get back. I know it sounds stupid, but I have to get my mind in the right place in order to change things.

Now if I can only stop being sad about the other endings that aren't really endings, they're just pauses.