Grief and Nothing

I don't know if I mentioned it, but I spent money I don't have yesterday. I don't really regret it, but I'm sure I will when I get my credit card statement. I bought a kimono and a haori (shorter version of a kimono). They are really cool. I learned how to tie an obi, but I would be hard pressed to figure it out again on my own. It was still pretty cool to see the little Japanese women do it, though. They were funny. Maybe I'll take a picture of them (the kimonos, that is) and send it to you.

I called my friend in another time zone (not the one you know) and told her about my inklings. She told me I was jumping to conclusions like I always do and that I always think the worst. I want to think that she's right, but I know that when I figure things out, I figure them out. I'm not often wrong. Or at least not completely wrong. I usually have at least a little bit right. This is one where I hope I'm wrong. I haven't wanted to be more wrong in a long time.

I've made the calls I needed to make, and now all I can do is wait and see what happens. I don't know how long that will take, but patience is not something I have a lot of in these situations. I need to know everything and I need to know it now. At times like this I wish I really was psychic and could read minds and tell the future so I can know what's going to happen to me and prevent it if I need to.

I heard a line in a movie today that said "Between grief and nothing, I choose grief". I wish I could say I feel the same way, but grief is supposed to go away, and so far, it has only compounded itself.