Inside

I spent all of today at home. I didn't even go out the front or back door. All inside. It feels great on one hand, and depressing on the other. Nothing was more interesting than the couch. No one invited me anywhere. Not that they ever do anyway. So everything stayed inside today. My body, my thoughts, all that stuff. And of course there's never anything good to eat there. Just junk that's laying around.

I can't help but feel like a loser on a day like today. Everyone else has stuff going on, places to be, people to see, stuff to get ready for. I have nothing. No one. I'm not pretty, not smart, not clever or funny. And everyone that's moving around me thinks I'm lazy and just sit around the house and do nothing all the time. They just don't know that I actually have no friends to do anything with, and that's why I'm watching some stupid show on VH1 all day. They don't know that I'm terrified of graduating from school because I have no skills to make money, which is why I'm neglecting my school work. They don't know that I'm angry at my family, or that I hate my job, or that I even dislike living in this house. They don't know that I feel so trapped in this life that I'm paralyzed to do anything about it. And even if I wasn't, I wouldn't know where to start fixing it. They don't know that I don't have anyone to talk to, no one calls me, and everyone is really just to busy to think about what I'm doing or even how I'm doing. Because it never occurred to anyone that I might not be doing just fine.

Because I've kept it inside. Just like today. And I guess every day.