Sex Kitten

Old habits are hard to break. Especially when they are people. I realized today that one of the reasons I have a hard time not talking to him is because it is just a habit. When things happen to me or I want to talk about something with someone, I automatically turn to him. And now I can't do that, I have decided. I have to find someone else to talk to. But the only problem is, there is no one. They are all working people with jobs and lives and stuff going on. Which is why I'm always home alone. So I talk to myself.

He asked me if we could go to the beach together. I said no. I wish I could say yes. But I know he'll have a beach buddy replacement for me before too long (if he doesn't already). There's Big D, who also has no job and lots of free time. I'm sure he can go with her, now that they have more or less reconciled. In fact, those two can do all the stuff he and I used to do. I think he can be happy with such a replacement. And for whatever reason (actually I know the reason, I'm just not going to say), the more he hangs out with her, the less I want to hang out with him. I don't want to hear cute little anecdotes about her. I don't want her life to intersect with mine. Ever. And yet it always does. Dammit.

I stopped taking my birth control pills, and aside from some minor emotional moments, I think I'm better for it. I have freed myself of this daily pill-popping regimen and the daily reminder that I'm not having sex. I'm going on seven months. I don't need these pills. Oddly, I feel more human without them. We'll see how I feel when I start bleeding like crazy, but for now I think it's a good thing.

I'm hoping to get my new underwear and swimwear today. I want to feel sexy, not just human. New sexy next-to-nothing clothes makes a girl feel sexy. I wonder if people can tell I'm sexless just by looking at me. Do I look like a sex kitten?