Foggy Life

Tomorrow is the first day of the semester. The first day of the fourth semester at the fourth university in the fifth field of study in the third state. You would think I would get over that first day of school feeling, where you have to have a good day or the whole semester will suck, but I can't. So I'm always a bit nervous on the first day. Last semester I was such a wreck I needed the sippy cup of wine to take the edge off. But the truth is, I'm always pretty edgy. Regardless, tomorrow I will try to do something fun with my hair, and pick out something good to wear (not too dressy, not too casual, but something to make me look good) and then forget about everything by the time I get home tomorrow night.

This is the beginning of a very strange semester. Because it looks so foggy from here. I sort of know where I am now, but who knows what or who I will be when I come out on the other side in May? This semester feels so much more uncertain than any I have had so far (and that's a lot of semesters). The strangeness also comes from the fact that I can't even pinpoint what is so hazy about it. I'm taking the minimum of classes, and they are all pretty straight forward and self-explanatory. And they should also be a lot of fun. But something feels different this time; as if I'm entering into a time that is going to change me forever.

And it seems stupid because how could that be? What is it about this semester that is so different? But, as I told someone just today, you don't get to make choices in your life; you are not in control. Life controls you. And in a way, it does.