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I try so hard. I try to keep things under control and act normal. But I suck at it. A lot. I tried to watch a movie today, one of those romantic comedies that is constantly trying to remind you that it is supposed to be funny, when it's really just pandering.
I got sad watching it, watching how my life is the same but without the happy ending. He doesn't tell you he loves you when you climb out onto that limb to tell him that you love him. He walks away, the bouugh breaks, and you fall.
That woman she thinks is having an affair with the man she loves is really a lesbian, but in real life, who knows? You know she's not a lesbian and that's about it.
And you think that maybe he calls you when she's not available, and he's just hanging out with you until someone better comes along. Because he's said he would date anyone if they asked him out. Anyone, that is, except for you. Because he's just not that into you.
He lost interest in all that you are many moons ago (nearly 8, to be exact) and you are not the meaningful conversationalist that you once were. He's probably wondering what he ever saw in you to begin with. Wondering what he was ever thinking.
It hurts.
It really hurts.
And I don't know how to hide it and I don't know how to get over it and I don't know how to get on with my life and I don't know how to live with it when he thinks about her when he's with me and I know it but there's nothing I can do about it because I can't compete with her and I've lost him and I'm starting to panic because I don't know what happened to my dignity and my heart hurts so bad I think it's going to explode under the pressure because I never loved anyone like this and when I told him he ran away and never came back.
I'm ranting like a lunatic and thinking that he's with her right now even though I don't really know and it really makes it hard to breathe.
The last man I loved left me, and then died, and the pain from the experience left me cautious and afraid. I swore I would never give my heart to anyone until they gave me theirs first. I thought I had it. He used the words; maybe it doesn't count when it's on paper. I told him I was afraid and he told me not to be; he would never leave me. I told him to be careful, a girl could get used to feeling like someone cares about her all the time. He promised, he consoled, he comforted. I handed over my heart and showed him everything inside, believing he would cherish all the parts of it as much as he did the first day. But then he looked closer, and suddenly I had funny eating habits and I drink too much and I multitask and I talk too much and I'm clingy and the parts didn't look as good as the woman who came before me or the one who came after me. So he politely said no thank you, I'll pass and closed the door. I'm such a failure. Love for sale; no one's buying. Damaged goods. Can't even give it away.
I got sad watching it, watching how my life is the same but without the happy ending. He doesn't tell you he loves you when you climb out onto that limb to tell him that you love him. He walks away, the bouugh breaks, and you fall.
That woman she thinks is having an affair with the man she loves is really a lesbian, but in real life, who knows? You know she's not a lesbian and that's about it.
And you think that maybe he calls you when she's not available, and he's just hanging out with you until someone better comes along. Because he's said he would date anyone if they asked him out. Anyone, that is, except for you. Because he's just not that into you.
He lost interest in all that you are many moons ago (nearly 8, to be exact) and you are not the meaningful conversationalist that you once were. He's probably wondering what he ever saw in you to begin with. Wondering what he was ever thinking.
It hurts.
It really hurts.
And I don't know how to hide it and I don't know how to get over it and I don't know how to get on with my life and I don't know how to live with it when he thinks about her when he's with me and I know it but there's nothing I can do about it because I can't compete with her and I've lost him and I'm starting to panic because I don't know what happened to my dignity and my heart hurts so bad I think it's going to explode under the pressure because I never loved anyone like this and when I told him he ran away and never came back.
I'm ranting like a lunatic and thinking that he's with her right now even though I don't really know and it really makes it hard to breathe.
The last man I loved left me, and then died, and the pain from the experience left me cautious and afraid. I swore I would never give my heart to anyone until they gave me theirs first. I thought I had it. He used the words; maybe it doesn't count when it's on paper. I told him I was afraid and he told me not to be; he would never leave me. I told him to be careful, a girl could get used to feeling like someone cares about her all the time. He promised, he consoled, he comforted. I handed over my heart and showed him everything inside, believing he would cherish all the parts of it as much as he did the first day. But then he looked closer, and suddenly I had funny eating habits and I drink too much and I multitask and I talk too much and I'm clingy and the parts didn't look as good as the woman who came before me or the one who came after me. So he politely said no thank you, I'll pass and closed the door. I'm such a failure. Love for sale; no one's buying. Damaged goods. Can't even give it away.
posted by Ocean | 10:24 PM
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