Zen of Sadness and Halloween Costumes

I have already given up. It only took a month. I'm not writing so everyone can see how great I am. I'm not trying to get readers. I know it won't happen. That's ok. This is just to help me get in the habit of writing on a regular basis. Every day. The only trouble is, it's really just getting me in the habit of spilling my guts when I should probably keep them inside me. Oh well. If anyone stumbles across this, my apologies. I'm a sad case. Maybe even a hopeless case. It seems like everyone around me is annoying, and I don't know why. They are just the same as they always were, but now I can't stand them. Especially my family. And the live flesh that I had yesterday has faded into nothingness again. Numbness has returned to my fingers and toes, and apathy, frustration, and dissatisfaction have leapt into the forefront. I still dread the quirky blonde's appearances, am trying to figure out what makes me so unmarketable, and wonder what the hell I am doing with myself in general. So I'm sitting here on a Tuesday night alone. I would call my friends, but I really don't have any. I've lived here over a year, and it seems that my most lasting relationship in that time has been with my car. We met, we spent some time together, and now I feel more at home with it than anywhere else. And I'm not a car person. I thought I was on the right track; I met someone, fell in love, and got dumped like a bad habit. Trouble is, he became my best friend before he abandoned me, and now I feel like there's no one left to listen. Or even care. I'm alone. At least I feel that way. It seems like it's not going away like it's supposed to, either. But in a way, it's all just fine. I just have to get used to the idea of it. Feeling dead is something that I've kind of gotten used to, and when I have feelings, they aren't pleasant. Maybe it's better to not have them. They kind of suck. So I'm resigned to fading into obscurity and invisibility. I don't need to dress up for Halloween. I'm already a ghost.