Travel Journal #12

There are always so many struggles. Struggles against my body, my mind, work, people, money. It is neverending. There is the flirty guy at work. It has been a long time since anyone flirted with me. Or even paid attention long enough for it to even be approaching flirting.

I love attention. I love to flirt. But for some reason, his obvious insincereity really bothers me. Because I really do want someone to want me. And I struggle against the memories of someone so far away and how I crave attention from him and can't get it. How I wait like a hopeful dog, waiting for some scrap to come my way. And I see it handed out around me and getting none myself. I feel bitterness brewing inside me. I don't want to feel this way. To crave something so shallow, so disingenuous, so tawdry. But my heart has become derelict; begging on the streets of Cannes.