Tired

Today I'm tired. Not sleepy, just tired. My neck is still hurting. I have one more day before I go see the pro at the club. A lot has happened since I last saw her. Fifty minutes will not be enough this time. Anyway, the point is, I'm tired. Tired of being confused all the time. Tired of wishing that things could be different than they are. Tired of having to explain myself. Tired of trying to figure out what the fuck everyone else is thinking or doing or intending. Tired of trying to make the right decisions, when there really is no right decision. Tired of feeling like everything is a huge waste of time. Tired of feeling like nothing is going to make a damn bit of difference. Tired of defending myself, tired of having to protect myself. I wish all this would just go away.